Haihz... grrr... aaaarrrrhhhh.... this is my 4th depression! I can't believe this! This is soooooo not what I wanted, and 2008 looked so heng >.> just ''looked''.

Ngaitih, if I knew this is what I'd get, I should've just enjoyed myself more about life... Past sacrifices ARE SOOOOO FUCKING NOT WORTH THIS... #$@%#$@%$#@

Well, at least I heard people saying '' You should get it leh...'' and asked if I got it, somehow that makes me feel better la... XD. I stand tall when I say I was hardworking and I stand tall when I say I deserve it. Guess I screwed up the interview, ei? Isabel? Yes, there's one guy who is most deserving and did get it, one heng enough to get it,haha. I'm happy for em both, seriously, but there's also someone who I think should get it more than anyone I know, she really really deserves it...but she didn't get it... =( . If the government sees vet science as one of the critical sections, why only send 14 of em out??

Some people have fucking rich-assed parents that actually (had the money in the first place) and worked hard enough to get education and worked all the way up to save funding for offspring's education, enough for overseas some more! Some even when there's no point! Who's gonna ask you '' Where did you do you A-levels? Locally?'' =='' I disapprove of overseas Pre-U, just no point...waste of money... =P

Other parents just fail to think that far... they feel they deserve a life too, as miniature as they can get, studying hard and working their asses off all their life for their children just ent worth it. =='' Some parents live for their children, some just live for themselves... No matter how, all of both never works out perfectly... Parents like to say '' You study for yourself! You think you study for us, your parents arh har??'' Thats why some parents study for themselves, not for their children... Huh? Its that hard to look into the future? What about the future generation? I heed all, spread thee... No more saying of this studying for yourself crap! You study for the future and the people you appreciate in it! This doesn't only apply to your children la...


Hey you pathetic whiner! Stop freakin whine about what you don't/can't have and start thinking about what you have, you fuckin idiot!

== , Fine...>.> Okay, I ask myself, what do I love about my life? Errr... Internet and those dvdrip movies and even anime! Lol, thats all? Yea...== . WTF, that's so pathetic! Those things mean so little to ''LIFE''! Your depression levels can easily overcome those leh... Yealo...how? Got any others?? I don't think so... I cannot find motivation, no drive...nothing... and Italic goes ...


You know ar, this ''peculiar'' thing happened to me when I was lining up at the Shell station, fuel price rising tomorrow and all... I was alone in the car and I yelled ''Arrr!!! I WANT JPA SCHOLARSHIP!!! Y I DIN GET THE JPA SCHOLARSHIP!!!'' and right after I said that, Hitz.fm played ''Keep Holding On'' by Avril Lavigne, that theme song from Eragon. THAT SONG...those very lyrics that contradict everything I am, everything I feel in this situation... and at that moment I felt like an onion emoticon saying ''...'', which is my /... . It was like music was trying to say something to me... I even found a link to the lyrics if you don't know the song, lol
http://www.metrolyrics.com/keep-holding-on-lyrics-avril-lavigne.html

It wasn't the first time that happened, the first time i remembered was in 2005, the day the PMR results came out, the moment I made a death pact with myself, TVBS-G showed this music video from Nicholas Tze singing a Chinese song, something about bear your wounds, there will still be sun tomorrow... that music, those lyrics really spoke to me, but that day was quite the happy day... This time it happened on my 4th depression. ( feeling like an onion saying ''...'' here too...)

So... what now? You know, people like to remind me this ''Its not the end of the world!'' I know it isn't, but I still wish it would be... well, for me only cos I wouldn't want to jeopardize those who's new lives are just about to begin... Other than that, I can still think of something like '' Stop thinking about it la! Put it all behind you already!'' Yea, yea... but trying to forgetting it all, somewhat seems irresponsible...*raises left eyebrow*. Some people ''love'' form 6, I do not, seriously do not, there's nothing there that I want, nothing there I would want to want... Oi, what's so wrong about form6?? I could make an essay bout that...


What can I do? Ofcos I can make myself stop feeling sad, but there's just no drive to make me do it... unless someone decides to send me overseas, loL =( Sounds like I want to be sad? Ofcos I wanna be happy, but I don't think I deserve to be ...not like this... Death seems favourable, @@. Don't be surprised if I cease to physically exist in the near future...

Its 4 in the morning, feel so sad I cannot sleep...
Gosh, I really wanted it very badly...
Plus, I think I broke my longest word post record...