Friday, January 11, 2013

Coming Up

It has been over 10 days since the new years.  I've been living like a recluse, I guess you can say things have been peaceful.  I know I have not been the brightest and loudest of them all, but I actually like to spend time with my family and actually expeience living in my home because those are the things I won't have when I leave for Singapore on Sunday. 

I hope for the best, of the things coming up next week.  I hope that my new housemates would be clean and cool, that I would be disiplined and driven enough to start strong.  12 weeks ain't long!  I can expect heavy weeks ahead because there are alot of projects I will need to do!  Even the thought of unpacking and settling into my room is tiring...

Well holidays are gonna end pretty soon.  Some holiday plans definitely gone to bust.  Planning for an overseas-other than Singapore summer was bust.  Losing weight was bust because parents keep stuffing me with food!  I actually gained a few kilos.  Must hit the gym next week!  I actually wanted to CAD out a robot for a t-shirt design this holiday.  Couldn't get myself to sit down and sketch out the robot.  I watched Real Steel and became inspired.  By the way... I should write out some stuff real soon.  Hand has gone stiff from all the lack of writing.

I am actually gonna be heading home again in 4 weeks time.  I guess I can look forward to all the shopping for CNY I can do in Singapore.  Decorations of Chinatown this time of the year is always amazing and the crowd!  Packed like sardines I tell ya'!  Half of them go because the stalls all pass out free samples of nice snacks!  That's half of the reason I'm going too.  There's a bunch of other stuff I want to picture too but I don't want to get ahead of myself!

Sad that I'm not gonna get a family dinner cos my brother will be busy with a friend's wedding.  Mr Ho's for lunch would have been nice.  Though I must say its nice to see him having a social life.  I admit he's more likable than me, okay!  He has a collection of soft toys, given by girls!  Imagine that!  If we had an american highschool hierachy, he would be in the popular crowd, and I would be... always halfway to anywhere I guess.  I would have been popular too if I were fair! #lamexcuses  Well ranting never solves anything, just good to get it out of the system.

ANYWAY.  Feeling hungry.  I think I'm going to get some food.

I had something smart I wanted to share, but I forgot.  #irony #hashtagsareaddictive

Tuesday, January 01, 2013


As the fictatious door slams behind 2012.  A window opens to welcome the streams of light that is a new year.  I heard a wise-enlightening saying that says a new year means a new chance, hope to be better, to do better.  2012 to me was sweet and savoury, something that I am more than ready to put behind.  There's really nothing I remember that I want to take with me.  The things that I'm glad about are already on their way to the new year! 

This time, I'm actually gonna set up some NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS!  Everytime the word comes up I keep thinking of the Nick Lachey song! 

Its not a happy song, its a beautiful song that will forever rest in your mind. I do not by any chance mean that New Year Resolutions should be solemn and downing.  In fact, it should be energetic and has impact!  Like a particle vibrating at high temperature!  *nerd alert*

Here goes,

First on the list addresses the latest and longest issue of results.  I am going to aim for the dean's list. *nerd alert*  I know it took a long while to decide this, been avoiding it for a long time with no apparent reason.  I let procrastination get to me, poison me, but not anymore.  I know what I need to do and the steps to achieve that.  After this, I must deliver on the terms and conditions that I've had on my mind for over a year but not to say commit, I could not even get myself to face it!  Shall publish terms and conditions very soon.

Second, I want to cut down some weight.  I know this might be the most popular new year resolution of all time and it gets broken most of the time!  My target is 70.  More exercise and no gorging on food!    I suspect my bone mass is super dense though.  I'm not sure I can get to that target without losing muscle mass.  I think at one time, i was 69kg?  or was it 72?  The end of Semester 1 of 2011, I was the lightest I've ever been in a long time in my life.  Slim down man!

The third one I've been thinking about alot in my mind.  My dad and friends keep asking me "why you don't have girlfriend!??".  I'm not sure how to explain this part, my answers are always different, I haven't really talked to anyone about this, EVER.  I think I'm ready for a relationship, but I don't want to end up hurting another person AGAIN.  I wonder if you are reading this.  I was young and foolish.  I know where did I go wrong.  We haven't talked for YEARS!  Sometimes I still think about what could have been but that's not really healthy isn't it.  Say you learn from your mistakes?  This goal is "tentative".

These are the main things that I want to set as my 2013 new year resolutions!  Even if I fail, I did my best to try.  At least I made the effort.  Do you know life flows pass you everytime you hessitate?

Do you like my new layout? 

Friday, December 28, 2012

Vicious and cruel cycle

I recieved my results yesterday.  It was a joke.  No, I was not talking about the results, but the promises and so called aspirations that I had early into the semester to do well this time because its about time!  I keep telling myself, my parents gave me all this money to support my decision to study in this place.  I, MYSELF wanted to challange myself to see how good I might do, to peak during Form 6 is sad.  Form 6 was, and will forever be the brink, the cliff where people jump off to see if they can fly!  To peak only then is terribly bad timing and satirical fate.This terrible feeling of failing myself is far worse than failing others.  Its like I have a system fault in my brain that hasn't been taken cared of.  I even have to take breaks in between writing this post because my brain somehow refuses to focus for more than a few minutes each time and IT IS DESTROYING ME. 

I got a C in Human Resources and Organisation.  That is terrible, no other way about that.  From the lack of preparation to the lack of understanding of the topic to having insomnia before the final paper, seems more like a delicately weaved disaster than a module-learning process.  I admit that the essays I wrote were really shit to begin with, but a C grade struck somewhere critically.  Feels like a rupture.  The CA was craptastic too? 

I am extremely dissapointed for my B- grade in ME2142.  I could not find fault in that paper except for the 9 marks that flew away.  I can never understand the logics behind giving a grade but not showing someone where did he go wrong. 

Though I have to say, the saving grace suprisingly came from ME3112.  I knew the bell-curve would be steep but the A- gave me a slimmer of belief that I can do well at a core-module too.  Except that come to think of it, the module had a lot of concepts that were similar to when I took physics.  i.e. the force diagrams and the vectors and easy vibration questions because of the open-book policy.  

In the end I screwed up in a seemingly easy paper and did well in a paper that I seemingly would do poorly in.  This kind of shit keeps happening to me!

I realised that to get into Second Upper class I need to make it to the dean's list from here onwards EVERY SEMESTER!  How am I gonna pull that off based on my current results?  Do I want to do this?  I don't want to turn out to be some failure engineer but the ability that determines an engineer isn't really good results!  Am I right?  I could be wrong!  It is a fact, however that distinguished companies ONLY look for people with a degree Second Upper and above.  Things seriously need to change from here on out.  
A change will come, it has to come.  I have to keep trying and really do the best that I can.  Cut down on the procrastination, keep getting attracted to the same websites over and over again because it's already hardwired into my subconcious.  It shall be amended!

More posts will keep coming.  This might be able to help me sort some things out.

  I am troubled.  This is not over.

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Post-Apocalyptic New World

Blogger and le internet still exists.  Anyway, Happy Winter Solstice!  My dad said since it didn't rain yesterday, it will rain heavily during Chinese New Year.  I'll be sure to check in on that prediction! 

Wednesday, December 19, 2012


I was just lying on my bed looking at the bedroom light when I thought to myself, "I am so bored I could..."  Heck I couldn't even finish that sentence!  So I came here, attempting to write a blog post that I can never fail to neglect even when I try and try to keep it up.  

After i finshed my exams, things were pretty happening for me back in Singapore.  After I came home, entertained my friends for a week, and after two, three days of doing nothing, I'm done.  I have so many things that I want to do, but I just cannot get myself to do them.  Is it because of the lack of drive?  The fact that I get easily distracted and disinterested?  The edge of my mental blade is getting duller everyday.  I have things that I want, that I'm afraid to get because I can't bear the failure?  Rejection? 

Let me just list the shit out 
1.  Summer plans
I want to spend all summer in a foreign land, I don't care where or how... just as long as I can make enough to cover daily expenses and flight tickets, I'm sold.  Cold weather wouldn't be bad either.  Problem is, where to start?  I've already missed the Work& Travel USA stuff, and the country that I'm aiming for is really in the UK cos wimbledon is in June.  I'd be overjoyed if I could catch that in person.

2.  NUS Bursary application
I'm jealous that most of my friends get money from the school when I don't.  I have no idea how come I don't get it, my family isn't rich at all!  The problem now is I'm the only one in my family not working, so chances of me getting it is low.  Might not even bother...  (bad attitude?)

3.  Module plannig
This shit is fucked up.  It is too early for me to do anything for now.

I'm ready to go back to Singapore...

Monday, December 26, 2011


So what's this about?  All of a sudden , after almost a year I just whiz myself  back in this joint?  Never bothered to leave any messages or post any pictures and stuff, what gives me the right to do that?  Well, it is my blog after all.  Speaking of which, revamp!  Like it?

I don't think that most people will read this piece and I am not gonna publisize, cos I'm just going to use this space to say what I'm thinking, a place to vent, and stuff like that, because I really need to vent.  I have all this thoughts inside my head that I just need to get out.  Those things that I wish I could have done, things I plan to do and those things that I am going to do. 

Before I go on, I just need to say, what a mess I have made of myself this year.  I regret.  You know how funny it is that you've turned legal but that doesn't mean you're mature and makes the right decisions.

I'm spiralling, and its not good.

Friday, December 31, 2010

End of 2010

The year of 2010 is an epic year of my life.  With it, events that define my life;  complete with joy, sadness, and disappointment with a hint of "cheap" success.  2010, 2009...  when will I get an overall good year? *sigh*

Looking back at 2010, I can hardly remember what happened before I went to NUS.  Its like all the memory space has been taken up by a new environment and massive amounts of data input in a short period of time.

I still remember the trip back in January...

We had lots of fun, and I went shopping crazy.  It all seems so far away, all that is left are these memories...
We're not even that close anymore...

Then there was the CNY.

It was a pretty great celebration, because everyone in the family came back, even my brother did, because he no longer had to stay in India.  Did tons of visiting too, with both family and friends.  I will always remember gambling with beer at Mich's house, about how I made everyone drink and avoided drinking twice in a row!

 I seriously wanted to get a proper job, but I didn't, was it because I couldn't?   Just one of the failures of my life.  You'll see more of that later on.

Who could forget the STPM results day?

the reporter emailed it to me.
It was a happy day, my happy day.  Sadly tho, it did not reap much results for me.

With that came all the University applications and scholarship applications.  I managed to get into all the Universities that I want, even those that I don't, but not the scholarships...  Its like no matter how good I do, I'll never be good enough.  Just one of the failures of my life.  I think its unhealthy to dwell on failures huh?

Scholarship interviews brought me to KL and Miri.

This hostel does not know comfort but has the best locality ever

One of the best hotels I've been in.


The second Marriot in the same week.
Make no mistake that the interviews were valuable experiences and I met some nice people along with it too, even one person that surprised me, for the better.  I just hoped the outcome was in my favour.  I will ALWAYS think about how it would be like if I had gotten the scholarship and went to Manchester instead. 

I did partake in PC Fair!  I wanted to do it, and I got to do it.

Once again, another good experience.  I discovered that I can do direct sales, but in my opinion, its all about the product, which a lot of people will disagree with me. 

July came around, and it was time for me to go forth onto my next stage in life, varsity.  Cloudy, unsure, undetermined of what lies ahead, I went for it.

Its sad that I couldn't get hall accommodation, I'm pretty sure I messed up the application.  I could have gotten into KR...  You know, I would be a valuable addition to any team, of course I'm not talented or anything, but hey, spit and shine?  desperate?

NUS will be NUS, fast-paced and full of imba people.  I'm glad I'm surrounded by such, but its hard to keep up sometimes.  I know I have to work harder, focus is hard to come by these days... do I have ADD?  For everything you gain, there is a price of equivalent value.  That fact will never change...  I though varsity is the time to do whatever you want?

Singapore on the other hand is great, except for the small space and hawker food.  I do love shopping.  Vivocity is my favourite spot.

I really lost weight...

December holidays weren't really what I expected.  I have actually made a list of the things to do and aims.  I wanted to play tennis, but in the end not even once, brought my racket back for no reason.

I had my results for the first semester.  I want to do better, get into the dean's list because I've never done it before.  I need those CAP puller subjects.

Realising that my holidays are almost over, I have somehow sunk into depression.  This surprised me, I thought I would be glad to go back, ready and all enthusiastic, but I guess I've gotten used to the easy, do nothing life that I have here.  Don't I like studying in NUS?  Hopefully the new semester will be better than the last.

This is definitely a year to be remembered, for better and worse, through sickness and in health? lol...

Since the new year is coming, I guess its appropriate to post up new year resolutions.  I'll think about it, but will keep those I have not achieved too.

Happy New Year to all.